The Pizza Boy - A Original Story By Nick Wilson

The Pizza Boy

Once upon a time in a land not so far away lived Andrew Ryan, an honest man who delivered pizza’s for Richard’s Big Meat Pizza’s and Sub’s. It was July 16, 2011 and it was customer appreciation month. More people ordered pizza’s this month than any other month of the year. Andrew was ecstatic at the chance to be a part of the competition his boss, Carlos Oliveria is holding. The competition is to prove that your completely satisfying the customer with your delivery. This could mean having them write a note and signing it, having them call from the phone they ordered with, or getting it caught on video. The winner of the competition would receive a hardy pay raise of $3.00 an hour (The competition was only good for employee’s who have worked a minimum of a year and a half at Richard’s Big Meat Pizza’s and Sub’s.)

Andrew went home excited that night knowing that his hard work would surely pay off for him by the end of the month. Andrew continued to work the rest of that day trying to brainstorm ways of getting the reaction of satisfaction out of the customer. He thought so hard, just never quit thinking about. He even lost sleep over it; this was something he knew he must win. Andrew enjoyed watching hardcore pornography at the end of every day and during his work break. Andrew got the idea while watching his favorite porn on Redtube. Andrew was going to throw dice in to the dark on this one; he was going to make a porno of him “SATISFYING” the customer. He thought this idea was a sure fire way to give him the pay raise and make him richer than he is. Andrew is fully aware that he doesn’t answer the phone calls and that he’ll be making a guess on who’s a beautiful girl to attempt to make this satisfaction video with only by looking at the name on the delivery receipt.

Andrew had purchased a very expensive video camera a few months back, this would for sure give him the highest quality video that anyone could make. The quality his camera provides is hard to beat. So Andrew woke up with a smile on face that morning as he knew what was supposed to happen.  Andrew woke up two hours early to masturbate a few times so he could last even longer when he was tapping that sweet ass.  So it finally came time for Andrew to drive to work and start delivering pizzas. It took Andrew a few hours to finally land a receipt that had a girl on it, he was ready for it. But an hour earlier on his work break he masturbated, he was surely going to last long enough to make her more than satisfied with his delivery. So Andrew got a delivery for an extra-sausage pizza to a Claire Redfield. He made sure to get there as quick as possible, he arrived in 15 minutes. Before bringing the pizza to the door and ringing the door bell Andrew had to make a few preparations. He brought a Laptop with him to watch some porn to get a half chub going. Then he cut a hole in the bottom of the pizza box and plopped his junk in that box. He was ready to knock on the door of his soon to be satisfied customer.

Andrew approached the door and took a deep breath. With three loud knocks Claire answered the door. She said “Come in and have a seat there while I go grab the money”. Andrew took advantage of the opportunity and quickly got setup. He set up a small tripod on an entertainment center nearby and pressed record. Claire came back in the room wondering why there was a video camera on her entertainment center.

“Why is there a video camera on top of my entertainment center?”  Questioned Claire.

“It’s customer appreciation month and I need to record a video of a satisfied customer.” Replied Chris.

“Well alright, but I wish I would’ve been given a warning that a man I don’t even know is going to come into my home with a video camera and record me.” Exclaimed Claire.

Everything goes back to normal and Claire proceeds to open the pizza box, she gets that look of surprise on her face after opening the box. Claire begins to run and scream for her life, she knows he’s about to go to town on her ass. Andrew quickly chased her down and hit her over the head with a pan he found in her kitchen, she was knocked out. She woke up and seen Andrew standing over top of her butt ass naked. He had a raging hard on and it was 10 inches of pure man meat; he was ready to give it to her. He told her about how much he was about to satisfy himself with her. He was laughing manically like an evil genius at her cries. So he finally grabbed her by the hips and began to fuck her doggy style. She was screaming for him to stop, but he ignored her cries. He told her many times it’s not rape if you enjoy it. He forced her to give a gnarly hand job; this was no longer customer satisfaction but now employee satisfaction. Andrew thought to himself this is way better than any pay raise, he’s going to do this once a month from now on. Andrew got some head while he was at it. She started sucking his dick with passion, she was now enjoying it. She could tell he was about to bust a nut so she quickly moved her chest in front of his long hard cock, she got a tit shot.  Like with any porn he asked her if she wanted more and she said hell yeah.

Andrew took his camera home and edited the footage; he was more than ready to share the footage with his boss. Andrew got a good night’s sleep and woke up at a decent time the next to present his footage to the restaurant staff.  So 15 minutes after closing Carlos calls everyone into the meeting room and starts discussing the competition

“Finally now comes the time for the pay raise we’ve all been waiting for. Any volunteers?” Asked Carlos

Andrew quickly volunteered to go first. His video played for about 20 minutes, that’s when the rape began. His fellow workers sat in shock and awe as they watched the raping of a customer. Carlos yelled “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, NOW!” Andrew got up as quick as possible and ran for his car. Andrew had a .357 Smith and Wesson Revolver waiting in the glove box of his car. Andrew quickly dashes back in and finds Carlos, he puts three rounds in between his eyes and gets in his car and drives off.  The police are on the lookout for Andrew now; one police officer got the nads to pull Andrew over. Needless to say he killed that son of a bitch. After killing the police officer he drove to Claire’s house to pick her up, he knew she was his soul mate. He kicks down the door and it comes falling to the ground with a thud. She starts screaming and having a seizure; Andrew had to kill some police that were waiting in her house already raping her.  She had a seizure from the muzzle flashes from the gun being shot, she was super epileptic. He got her to quit shaking like a retard and he took her back to his house. She cried about her life some and then Andrew explained to her the situation at hand.  They got a hard ticket to Hawaii and were never seen again.

Shit....

Can't think of anything to write. Give me sometime, I will deliver quality matierial like always.

Advice?

If you read my articles and shit I need some advice. The layout of the site has came under criticism betweeen me and friend. If anyone has any advice on somethings I could do to make the layout better, please drop it in a comment. But if your going to leave advice, please know how Blogger works. For instance, someone might say. "Where it has your three most recent blogs, could you get it to only show a small portion of the blog?" I can't do that. There's only so much I can do.

Emos Are Fucking Retarded.

You've all been waiting for it, this one article is probably going to start more shit than anyother i've ever made. This article is probably going to make them even more emo and they'll probably cut even more. Then proceede to violently attact me with the poetry they think is "deep and meaningfull". Anyway here it is, the article on Emos, enjoy!

One clique that i've had a LONG history with is the Emos (Not to be confused with the Emu, the second largest bird in the world. Emus deserve good treatment while the Emos don't.). The history can be tracked back to the 6th grade where I began with attempting to become an Emo. This continued through all the of the 6th and part of the early 7th grade. Luckily my parents did a good enough job raising me that they made sure I didn't go over to the Emo side. During the 7th I realized I could never be an Emo, so I gave it up. I began to look at this clique of losers for what they really are, pathetic wastes of life. My days of full-time Emo bashing were ones of glory. I was constantly laughing, life was great, and I got much more respect from my friends. It pains me to say it but i'm attracted to Emo girls, not the fact that they're Emo but who they look if done correctly. I guess it would be more Scene girls than anything but i'm not going to get in to my choice of women. I was stripped of my rights to make fun of Emo girls temporarily when I met a girl who dressed Emo. Parents and friends informed because of that I was revoked of the right. But since this article has had such a high demand of creation i'm allowed to make fun of them again.

Emos should be considerd blind for the reason they can't seem to see how messed up the rest of the world is. They do nothing but cry and complain about how hurt they are and how messed up the life they live is. I'm sorry that the middle class life you live isn't good enough, is mom taking your computer torturous? Here, you can trade places with the people who find Blood Diamonds. Sound good? Maybe we'll have you trade places with a kid dying a slow painful death from cancer? That'd be easier than what your endure everyday, right? These kids have no idea of what a bad life is. They seem to think everyone should know, every post they make on the internet is something close to this "Why do I keep living? Everything is falling apart, nothing is worth it. I'm hated by those closest to me, why must I destroy everything that comes in my path?:(". Great, can you tell us all the physical abuse you go through? Which parent or who is doing it? We don't care about the emotional abuse, your all lying about that one. The cuts on your wrist don't count either, self-inflected injury is on the grounds for actual beatings. That middle class life is so hard isn't it? I wish my parents could get me anything I asked for when I want it within reason.

Emos are also amongst the laziest of people. They seem to lose all self motivation once the illusion of "my life is so fucking terrible" sets in. The most physical activity these dumbasses want to have is moving a razor blade across their wrist or writing the massive ammounts of shit poetry that "comes from the heart". Great people of America should give them more exercise by chasing them down for a good old fashion beatdown. This way if you don't catch them, they got exercise! If you do catch them, give them a beating they won't forget. And after your done inform them if they say your name or help aid in the capture of you, they'll get it one hundred times worse the next time! Plus they get to walk to the hospital for treatment, more exercise! If they get beat enough and get enough exercise they'll realize this Emo shit just doesn't cut it. The work place is a fast paced thing not a slow thing that caters to the Emos. Emos are also pre-disposed to failure in the workplace.

All people want equal treatment, this is understandable. But the Emos want everyone to "understand them for who they are and what they go through.", this would be Un-Equal treatment. Your selfish to want people to "understand you for who you are and what you go through". I wish people would understand me for what I am and everything I go through. But i'm completely fine with people just realizing i'm human and giving me basic respect. Emos also want to damn much, much more than a normal person. The economy is fucked, how can you want more anything. More money, more razor blades, more notebooks, more eyeliner, and etc. Are you going to be able to keep this lifestyle up once you get out of highschool? Most of you will grow out of this fad, luckily. But for the unlucky ones who keep this shit up, go to hell.

Emos also DESERVE all the harrasment they receive from people. If your going to cut yourself over stupid bullshit and cry all the time you deserve it. Would I expect someone to not harrass me? Hell no, i'd deserve every bit of it. It might push me to seek help. I loved seeing the face on the Emo fags i've messed with in my days, the shear anger they get on their faces when you shoot an insult at them faster than the speed of light. Nothing can match the satisfaction one gets from really giving them a reason to hate life. If Emos would get the dicks out of they're asses they'd probably lighten up a little bit. But when you are always walking around funny from pants being too tight your bound to hate life. I'd love to see a National Harrass Emos Day. Just America gathers together regardless of race, color, or creed and proceedes to really give every Emo a hard day. Just like Martin Luther had a dream, so do I. My dream is that the people of the world join together and exterminate the Emo vermin of the earth.

Emos are also a plague to the internet. I can't tell you how many forums have been clutter'd with users like "xXxToRnxLiFexXx". These users often clutter perfectly fine forums and message boards with useless Emo bullshit. If I could get a Nickel for every Emo post on the internet i'd be a trillionaire, no joke. I don't want to go into detail of the Emo faggotry on the internet, instead I will make a guide on how to spot an Emo.

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Emo Identification Guide V1
By: Nick Wilson

Intro: Emo Identification is a very important thing when out in the real world. Knowing how to properly spot one could be the difference between a good day and a lulz filled day. When you think you have spotted an Emo please refer to this guide to make sure. But once you do, make sure they get the message that Emos aren't an accepted part of society. Without further ado, here we go.

1.Is the hair long?
2.Is it a dark color?
3.Are clothes mostly black or color very similar?
4.Depressed look?
5.Could a beating help alter the mind any?
6.Are you confused about the gender?
7.Could you grab it by ears and fit fingers through ear lobe?
8.Do it's "friends" look similar?
9.Could you snap it over your knees like a twig, but know that you'd have a peircing going through your knee cap if you do?
10.Cuts on the wrist?
11.To much eyeliner?
12.To many pierceings?
13.Shitty Emo band tee-shirt?
If they match a few of these, you have an Emo on your hand. Strike quick before it get's away! Make sure you burn all GothTopic's I mean HotTopic's near by, this will make sure to give you a few kills. Curbstomps are an appropriate messure in dealing with an Emo, here's a list of appropriate things to do in an Emo encounter.

1.Curbstomp
2.Emergency Haircut
3.Good Ole' Fashion Beating
4.Public Stoning
5.Torture
6.Kidnapping
7.Turning them into your local AEA chapter
8.Informing the parents of said Emo fag how much they failed. Report the child to the CSS, there's still valuable time to reverse this terrible plague.
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Eradicating all Emos from the Earth is a dream that can be acheived. You just have to get up and do something about it. Go out and find your local HotTopic, torch the fucker. South Park was so right in telling people to do that. Also, harrass Emos, give them a reason to bitch. Eradicate the Emos, Eradicate the Emos! I need to get off and practice guitar, I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did writing it. So until next time, this is Nick and I hope your offended!

TWLOHA Is Fucking Retarded.

I hate shit like this, I really do. It doe's nothing positive, AT ALL. The shear thought that a group can try and tell you that can avoid your problems is fucking retarded. TWLOHA should just be considerd a group that sells fiction to a group of bitches who think they're lives are so fucked they have to self mutilate and cry massively about it. Here's an idea to all the bitches who buy in to this shit, STOP! Your ruining the image of the countries youth to the world. Now Canadians and other people of nations in which I do not give a shit will think poorly of us. Do you want that? The world hates us enough, now you have to help out they're cause by being a dumbass and taking pride in it by buying the shitty over priced tee-shirts.

People don't realize this but things like TWLOHA is just another way people can try to avoid the problems they may face, not that any of the bitches who buy in to this shit have any other than having the worlds longest period. The people who support this shit actually believe that their making a difference in the lives of others. Ok, so you buy a $20.00 tee-shirt. So much of it is "donated" to abused women and wrist slitters. How much of that is "donated" to the CEO/President of TWLOHA's pocket? Probably way to much. Want to make a difference in an abused womans life, go to your local womens shelter and make a donation.

To get back to the point of people using this as an excuse to try to ignore and say they have problems. Like I said, people don't realize that this is another way people can try to avoid problems they may face, not that the bitches who buy in to this have any. This is a problem with America, to much avoiding problems. If girls really hated being abused and didn't want to go through emotional hurt they'd get up and do something about it. Not just sit there because "I felt trapt and there was nothing I could do..." Sure theres something you can do, call the damn police. We have them for a reason, if need be you can go under one of those relocation programs. Want to know what I do when I have a problem, I fix it or attempt to. I don't sit there and feel "trapt in despair". Really, if the bitches who buy in to this would go get a prescription to a medicine that reduces they're periods to a few times a year they'd probably be ruined.

The whole self mutilation thing is total bullshit. Here's a great idea that requires a complete genious to think of! Let's mutilate our bodies!! Great idea right? Make something that's already bad worse!!! The psuedo-problems that most of the fan base faces are usually self mutilation. I'll make a list of reasons that the fan base of TWOLHA self-mutilates.

1.Mom took away cell phone.
2.Missed movies with friends.
3.Facebook is down.
4.You lost three followers on Twitter.
5.The boyfriend you "loved" left you for a nicer more attractive woman.
6.Got yelled at by parents.
7.Lost an argument over shoes.
8.Took it up the ass to much and now you can't help but to constantly shit yourself.
9.Parents didn't give you $150.00 to go out and buy that pair of pants you just have to have, since the new pair you got last week isn't good enough anymore.
10.You've turned in to a complete cow, disregarding the fact your the skinniest girl in school.
11.Your ugly, even though your constantly told your not.
12.Your the attention whore of the school and the attention left you for a second.
13.You need a way to get your hands on some gnarly wicked anti-depressants so you began cutting to obtain them.
14.Grounded for a day.
15.Need to blend in with your retarded group of friends.
16.The fast food restraunt you always eat from got your order wrong.
17.The new episode of Degrassi sucked, like every episode of the show ever made.
18.You were minorly inconvienienced.
19.You were stood up in the middle of class because someone got tired of your bullshit.
20.Your parents noticed how much you want a designer brand hand bag so they went out and bought you a Gucci handbag, well you wanted Coach handbags. Shame on them for being inconsiderate.
21.Parents bought you a brand new car for your birthday. It wasn't painted the color you want.

Those are some the reasons the bitches of TWLOHA self-mutilate. The best part about you self-mutilating is it's going to leave permenant scars that you can look at later down the road!! Won't it be a good reminder of how much a dumbass you were and or are? Like star constelations you should probably name you mutilation constelations. Have a set of cuts that look like a checker board? Name that mutilation constelation Checkers! Maybe you wanted to get special and carve a star, Starchild! Maybe you felt like you owed something to the government and wanted to leave something to remind of us to not elect idiots, so you carve George W. Bush. You can name that one Idiot Motherfucker!

Here's an idea i'm proposing and i've seen things like this. Lets make a thing called To Write Hate On Her Arms. Let's give the bitches of TWLOHA a reason to hate life. Give them something to bitch about. Want to cry about physical abuse? I'll send of my fine young ladies to give you weekly beatings, sound good? Want to cry about emotional abuse? I'm the master of that, once I find your insecurities or even just something that annoys you, we'll have a wicked case of emotional abuse. Want to cry that you don't have any clothes? We'll go inside your house while your sleeping and steal all of your clothes except for one set. I'll make money and you'll have something to cry about. Want an abusive relationship? I'll train a guy to be very abusive and give you everything you wanted, abuse. I won't sell tee-shirts either, i'll let people make they're own tee-shirts. I'm not a greeedy basterd like the CEO/President of TWLOHA.

So enough of my ranting for now, I need to start making preparations for the Emo article. Don't support TWLOHA, don't support something that makes excuses for people. If people are going to mutilate themselves, let them. Then you get to laugh when they go to the hospital. Everyone needs to like the page To Carve Hate On Her Arms, do it. Until next time, this is Nick and I hope your offended.

Wiggers Are Fucking Retarded.

NOTICE - Nothing in this article is meant to be racist at all. How can I be racist if i'm targeting my own race on this? So keep out your stupid fucking race arguments.

 Another clique of pure ignorance I need to cover is the wiggers(White Niggers, Wannabe White Gangsters, and etc...). I think this clique really takes the cake for #1 most ignorant clique of all time. They want to be number and stand out amongst everyone else, there you go, you earned it. I can't fucking stand this clique, at least with the Jocks I can kind of relate to them talking about sports. If I could have one clique genocided from the world it would be this, for fucking sure.

One thing that sits really uneasy with me about these ignorant fuckers is they think they come from primarily black ghettos. They need to shut the fuck up about "how hood they is". Your not hood at all, growing up in a neighborhood like Treetops isn't ghetto. Want to know what the ghetto is? The Watts, Over The Rhine, Compton, Oakland, and etc... How many of you Wiggers come from those neighborhoods? A nice n' juicy 0.00%. If you come from one of those places then your not a Wigger. The people that grow up in those places don't learn about the ghetto way of life, they just know it. It's in them, ingrained in they're minds and running through they're veins. So unless you grow up in those places do us all a favor and shut the fuck up. You didn't grow up there and never will, the day you pussies decide to get your asses in there you'll get shot.

Another thing that really rubs me wrong about these ignorant assholes is how they walk and talk. I hate that move-every-part-of-your-body-and-check-out-that-body kind of walk. You look fucking stupid, keep your head up straight and arms still. It'll do you wonders in what people think of you on first impressions! Your talk is also costing you so much. You have the right to talk with "ebonics" if you can fill out this survey and short answer. If you have the correct answer for 8/10 the questions and I think you're short answer is good enough then I will give you The Nick Wilson Official License For Usage of Ebonics.
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Ebonics Survey                                                       Name:                                                                Date:
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Question 1. Have you grown up in a neighborhood or city that's consider'd dangerous and filled with drugs and (or) gang activity?
Question 2. Are you a famous rapper?
Question 3. Are you African American or Latino?
Question 4. Are you in a gang or have a lot of gang affiliation?
Question 5. Do you sell drugs to make all or 75% of your money?
Question 6. Ever have to kill a man over something like drugs or money?
Question 7. House ever been shot up in a drive by?
Question 8. Ever witness a drive by or hold up?
Question 9. Ever been stabbed, shot, or shot at during a drug deal?
Question 10. Own a pimped out Caddilac and drink 40oz. Colt .45's all day?

Congrats! If you got 8/10 on those you now have the right to use Ebonics!
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Chances are you probably got 0/10 on those, maybe 1/10 if your lucky? Here's an idea for you Wiggers who want me to take you serriously, talk like your white. Once you start doing that you'll get more respect from me. But until then FUCK YOU!

The way they dress also pisses me off tremendously. Doe's everything you buy have to be 13 sizes to big? You look fucking retarded with all of your clothing way to big. Also, pull your fucking pants up, no one wants to know what your ass or boxers look like. I don't give a shit if you have plaid boxers on, pull your fucking pants up. Unless it's boxers made out of beef jerky, then by all means leave your boxers hanging out. You all hate when the police search you for drugs and try to say it's profiling, but when you wear clothing with Marijuana leafs on it then your asking to get searched. I don't like the law as much as the next guy but fuck when a Wigger is getting arrested they're truly doing America a great public service. Instead of putting in small time drug offenders let's launch a campaign to take every Wigger and put them in terrible jails like San Quentin State. That way they can be shown for the little bitches they are, and hopefully killed... I mean taught a lesson they can't forget. With this plan the country would greatly benefit. We'd free up a lot of space and people would be set straight on the path to enlightenment.

Well, I figure that's enough on this subject. If your white and want to be taken serriously, don't be Wigger. Don't be a dumbass. Chances of you being a successfull rapper are slim to none. Until next time, this is Nick and I hope your offended.

P.S. - I'm going to tag random people.

Jocks Are Fucking Retarded.

There's one clique at school that stands out amongst them all, Jocks. The idiot motherfuckers that think because they play sports their better than everyone. The only argument they can use is one involving their physical prowess over everyone because they are all so fucking stupid they can't use any intelligence. Every last thing that comes out of they're mouths is about how "fucking beast I am" and something related to sports. I laugh that ALL of them think that some sports team is going to sign them on with a multi-million dollar contract and that every corporation is going to want them to market for them. Guess what you stupid sons of bitches, your fucking wrong. Most of you that think your all that and do nothing but spend your time on sports completely ignoring all other elements of life and forgeting that you need to prepare for the future, you are fucked. Most of you are going to end up in jail, addicted to a drug, and so far in debt your never getting out.

So more proof as to why Jocks are fucking retarded. Today in MOS we had to present powerpoints about something of our choice. So Brett Handorf and myself chose to do our powerpoints on ourselves. So I made mine as serrious as possible and described my self. Well the Jocks are so high and mighty that apparently everything about me is what a douchebag is like and I should be informed about it. I wasn't aware that a douchebag plays an instrument, hangs out with friends, enjoys cooking and writing, and listens to music. They had to announce that i'm a douchebag rudely through my whole powerpoint. Hmm, I wasn't aware that you shouting douchebag the whole time didn't make you a douchebag you stupid motherfuckers. I love how they want us to be quiet the whole time and the second we stand up to them it's some big fucking deal. Well as always, Brett made sure to troll the living shit out of them. They mad.

Here's how a typical argument with a Jock would go(You can't even make a normal intelligent adult conversation with them because they preceive everything as an act of agression.).

Me- "What you doing today?"
Jock- "Gonna go ball up on some niggas."
Me- "Anything else?"
Jock- "Duuude, did you watch ESPN? Mayne Kobe muthafuckin Bryant was off da fucking hook!!"
Me- "I've told you i'm not interested in the NBA before."
Jock- "Fuck you mayne, NBA's the greatest shit eva. Better than that mo'fuckin UFC bullshit you watch, nigga."
Me- "Let's completely disregard all the other sports, fucking dumbass."
Jock- "You fuckin gay brah. You suck a dick?"
Me- "Why would you want to know that? You looking for some head, faggot? You have room to call me gay when your teammate is slapping you on the ass. Leave to a stupid motherfucker like you to bring up the failed insult "gay"."
Jock- "Keep running that mouth and i'll fucking kill you, biatch."
Me- "Sure, and just like everyone else you threatend with that."
Jock- "I'm bigga and stronga, nigga."
Me- "Fighting isn't just about the stronger and bigger man, not that you'd know anything about fighting. Afterall, 98% of jocks have been in one maybe two fights in their whole life."
Jock- "Mayne fuck you..."

Ask anyone in my MOS class and they can attest to this. If Jocks would cut out the Bigger-than-life bullshit and stop being fucking douchebags to everyone they come in contact with I wouldn't mind hanging out with them. Not all Jocks are like this though, like with everything there's always and exception.

Edit 1- I don't give a fuck if you get pissed off. Please be my guest.

Apple Owners Are Fucking Retarded, More Proof Here.

Serriously, Mac owners are fucking stupid. They get me pissed and in most cases I rage at the lack of knowledge that they have with computers. Plus the worst part is they all think that over-priced piece of shit Apple product their using is so amazing, there's always something better in the market of computers unless it is BRAND NEW meaning it was just released and ranks better than anything else.
  I often bag on Macs for many reasons:
1. I've had nothing but trouble with Apple products
2. I've used most every Apple product ever created and I've hated all of them
3. Userbase is filled full of fucking douchebags
4. Too expensive
5. Homosexuality runs rampant with Apple users
Many more reasons, don't have enough time to list them all out.

I'll provide some quotes from an argument I had with a Apple fag. I'd have much more material to work with if the chat wouldn't delete so much of the chat after a certain ammount of time or messages.

"yea that explains why he had to sell the company bc he couldnt tajke care of it and come up with any new ideas to keep it running" - Greta Lingenfelter
Hmm, last time I checked Bill Gates didn't sell Microsoft. He's been selling stocks of Microsoft, it's a publicly traded company. They sell stock in it to make more money, smart strategy Bill Gates has. Btw, Apple is a publicly traded company too, next quote.

"whos steve jobs" - Dumb Bitch
You've got to be fucking kidding me, right? A hardcore Apple fag who doesn't know who the CEO and Co-Founder of the company in which they take so much pride in owning they're hardware, just wow is all I can think. You can't tell me that Apple owners are smarter than PC owners when they don't know basic shit like that, next quote.

"thats u im pretty sure i have just proved u wrong and this whole time ur only comeback has been ur retarded" - Dumb Bitch
I've tried to comeback by saying "i'm retarded"? Nice one, my responses to the stupid shit you say are intelligent adult responses. Did I prove I'm retarded when I demonstrated a decent knowledge of computers and you tried to talk about something you have no knowledge of?

"no i proved that it takes skill to be a mac owner" and "because we have manuals and it takes process tyo get our compuotrs started and our computors are so hi-tech you dont evben have to do akll the wiring you just plug it in" - Dumb Bitch
You must be fucking retarded, right? It takes no skill to be a Mac owner, hell no skill to be a PC owner either. Just depends on what your using your computer for. All computers have manuals dumbass, you know where you find out how to use the computer? Turning on a computer is a matter of pushing a button, dumbass. Nice contradiction, if you didn't have to wire anything on the computer then you wouldn't have to "plug it in". All computers require wiring say it be internal or external. If your too lazy to plug in a keyboard and mouse via USB you shouldn't be using a computer, that simple.

"well only the easy wiring bc we dont want to waste our lives on trying to figure out how to plug in a piece of shit PC" - Dumb Bitch
Another point in which your a dumbass on. Apple owners have to wire their iMacs, so I guess by saying that you'd be saying that your wasting your life trying to figure out how to "plug in" a piece of shit iMac? So your saying that wiring a PC is hard, which would take knowledge, knowledge that you don't have. Wiring a computer is easy, your the only person who thinks otherwise, next quote.

"holy shit it taks me um like less than a second
clock it" - Dumb Bitch
Do I even need to explain this one? You don't clock the speed in which you wired your computer. You clock the speed of a processor or RAM... Fucking retard...

So more proof that Apple owners are in fact fucking retards. I don't think I need more proof.

Heartless, Cruel, Careless, Un-Moralistic, Asshole, Dickhead, Cold-Hearted, and Many More Words That Describe Me.

I've been described as all of those and many more. These are all true about me, I genuinely do not give a fuck about 99.9% of people in the world. I hate caring for other human beings other than myself and my family. An ongoing event between Whore and myself has inspired me to write this.

I do what we call "putting up a force field of not giving a fuck" around my feelings, I shelter them and get them as far away from the real world as possible. I'm told by many people(100% of those people being girls) that it's a stupid thing to do. Why is it? It's pretty damn smart if you ask me. Think about it, if you get your feelings away from real life and shelter them you don't get them hurt. You don't care enough about other people to get slowed down by them. When you show people you don't care about them they don't want to walk in to your life. If they don't walk in to your life then they can't walk out. If you want to walk out of my life be my damn guest. Just one less person to even think about it.

This force field leads to me not caring about others. Pissing them off and enjoying every last bit of it. This get's me described as heartless, cruel, careless, un-moralistic, asshole, dickhead, cold-hearted, and many more terms.
Here's a few excerpts from Whore's conversation with me.
"yes you are a fucking dick." - Whore
"you are so fucking heartless" - Whore
"i dont think ive met anybody as cruel as you." - Whore
"you fucking dick." - Whore
"your a fucking dick." - Whore
"Oh did i mention your a fucking dick." - Whore

As you can see i'm heartless, cruel, and a fucking dick. Now i'll list a few reasons why these terms are true about myself.

1. I can exile someone from my life on the flip of a coin.
2. I get enjoyment from the misfortune of others.
3. I piss people off for the fun of it.
4. Show me that fucking with you is fun and I will.
5. I don't have a set of morals so anything seems funny to me. Extremely offensive things are funny to me.
6. I walk out of peoples lives.
7. I don't know what compassion feels like.
8. I'm the kind of person who trys to get the elevator doors to close when I see someone with an armful of things or a women with children.
9. I don't really try to use common courtesy.
10. I try to purposely make my language more vulgar in the presence of small children or elderly.
11. I take every chance I get to piss of girls at my school so I have no choice but to date outside of my school.

I'll probably add some more to this later but i'm too tired to continue this. Moral of the story is, I'm awesome.

Edit 1/13/12: Yeah, this is one of those pieces I'm not really that proud to have written. In fact I should probably remove it but everyone should be able to read it.

Fuck Apple(I'm pissed off so i'm not worried about grammar.)

I can't stand anything these fuckers make. It's all fucking stupid over-priced bullshit they make. All Steve Jobs cares about is making money. Everything he says should be thought of as "I want money.". I recently had the chance email Steve Jobs, all I did was ask him one question and this is what he responded with.  

My question
"Explain to me the company Apple and what's instore for everyone in the future from Apple."


Steve Job's -
 "My philosophy is that everything starts and ends with me making too much fucking money. So, you know, I obviously believed in raping the customers wallet, but customers can't tell me no when I ask for way too much, we've succeded in making cheap shitty products the next groundbreaking invention is going to comeout next year "Mind Control". We know everyone who frequently to moderately buys Apple products is a douchebag of extreme conditions, with "Mind Control" we will be able to make sure that ever last word that comes out of they're mouths is about Apple products. I know that pretty much every word that comes out they're mouths is already about Apple products. So you have to listen very carefully, really you don't because most of you know I only want your money and it's all lies to begin with. When someone purchases they're first Apple product I laugh a little bit, one of those maniacal laughs that an evil doctor gets when they hatch a plan. The reason for the laugh is they just set themselves on the straight path to hell and are helping me succede in ruling the world. We try to promote our propaganda through the television. Such campaigns as the PC vs Mac ads. It really brings anger out in me when I hear or read about a PC user talking about their far supperior PC. PC's are far greater machines, but our users are so stupid they have to use our ultra simplistic computers and products.

I've been reading Mein Kampf and researching various elements of World War II and the great favors the Nazi's did to the world. I think it should be realized that PC users are the modern day version of the World War II Jew. We must eliminate every last PC user and Non-Apple Product User. I'm about to invest many millions of dollars in the purchase of tons of bleach and ammonia. We're paying off the top government officials and military members to help us in our worldwide genocide of PC users. We've teamed up with PeTA also, they have a good knowledge in mass killings of animals so we're going to use it in killings PC users. Yes, we also plan on killing the animals of PC owners. PeTA has payed for many extermination stations worldwide and has voulenteered any of they're places of meeting. I know Apple users, staff, and myself are going to serriously laugh in the face of those going up for extermination. We plan on implementing rules for those who plan to step out of line once the Apple regime takes over worldwide. Some of the rules would be "No talking about anything other than Apple.", "No music piracy.", "No spending of money on any Non-Apple brand electronics." and many more. Punishments are going to be to the fullest extent of the law. Firing squads, gassings, rape, dismemberments, lashings, burnings, and many more. I will be known as the greatest dictator ever and the only man to rule the world. If you want to avoid being killed I suggest you take a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh mortgage out on your house to help buy every one of our products. If you don't buy our products you will be number and not a person. We will find you, we will destroy your PC, we will destroy you and your family. Don't think we won't.

I know that your reading this on a PC, Nick Wilson. Your computer is far superior to any of our products, I realize this. Your already aware of what the future has to offer for you if you don't change your choice of electronics soon. I've already did the honors of wiring you $999,999,999,999 so you can buy all of our products. Think of this as hush money to not send this email to anyone. That lowley sum of money was only 0.0001% of my total bank account. If you need more for the purchasing of Apple products don't be afraid to ask, or else you know what will happen in the future if you don't. If you have anymore questions please feel free to reply with an email. I also take joy in giving small children AIDS."  - Steve Jobs.

As you can gather from reading this Steve Jobs is an evil genius and a pedophile. He plans on eliminating all of the competition through genocide. He's going to make sure Apple products are supperior through making them the only products available. The US government and military is going to genocide it's own peoples, that's insane. Plus every other nation in the world. PC users it's time to unite against the plague known as Apple. We need to make our products even better then they are. Cheaper than they already are. More available than they are. Even if we PC users don't all get along we can all agree that destroying all Apple stores, Factories, Support Centers, and etc will be fun. But we have to make sure that we at least lock up Steve Jobs. Dead or alive as long as he can't spread his global reach. We need to set up rehabilitation centers for those who have been falling victim to Apple's brainwashing. I plan on taking every penny that Steve sent me and investing it in to the Anti-Apple Coalition. We can't let a evil genius who is a pedophile take over the world.
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But in all seriousness Apple sucks. Over-priced as all hell, prone to failure, weak, inferior to PC's, and too much else to list. I regret not convincing my brother to choose a Zune over the I-Pod Touch. I can build a system with better specs for the cost an iMac. Enough of my ranting.

Not Giving A Fuck (This article isn't meant to be confused with Jonlajoie's "Not Giving a Fuck" video.).

The concept of not giving a fuck a simple but effective one. You simply do not give a fuck. This means not caring about yourself or the world around you. It's a great one to use on a day to day basis. Like I myself use it everyday, take school for example. I simply do not give a fuck about school, therefore I do not try at school or give the slightest care. Most people perceive me as a cold, heartless, unmoralistic, and un-sympathetic human being. I shield my emotions behind a forcefield of not giving a fuck. This is a great way to live, well if you don't give a fuck it is.

 I take pride in not giving a fuck. It allows me to do other things in which I do not give a fuck about. Yes, not giving a fuck has costed me friends, opportunities, and what not but I do not give a fuck. At certain points it is acceptable to give a fuck about something with a situation such as this listed below.

1. The tv get's shut off.
2. Your bitch gets a little cocky and needs showed her place.
3. The pizza man is 30 seconds late.
4. You get cut off while driving.
5. Your favorite team doesn't win.
6. The new videogame everyone wants comes out.
7. Your wife/girlfriend is cheating on you. (This one is optional as you might as well hand down your used toy, she's probably wore out from all the fun you had with her anyway. Time to find a new toy.)
8. Your wife/girlfriend gets the cajónes to turn soap operas on. (You have a real problem on your hand with this one. The way you best solve this one is with a headbutt to the ovaries.)
9. Jehovas witness comes knocking at your door disturbing the peace. (Make short work of them. 12 GA. Buckshot should make them quite pleased as they are holy people. Get it, holy since 12 GA. Buckshot rounds will make them that quite litterally.)
10. Dinner isn't made on time.

Those were 10 situations in which giving a fuck is acceptable, now here is 10 situations that aren't acceptable to give a fuck.

1. Wife/girlfriend's cat dies and she is upset. (Remember men that the only good cat is a dead cat. Just make sure to hide the fact that it died because you tied it to the ceiling fan, put it in the dryer on high heat, and gave it electric shock therapy.)
2. Wife/girlfriend complains about not having any clothes. (She has clothes, she's just not content with the perfectly fine ones she has. In that case give her something to cry about.)
3. Wife/girlfriend is yelling at you oversomething fucking stupid like not getting something done around the house.
4. While reading The Alphabet Of Manliness someone screams out for help, ignore them as your main priority is to read that book.
5. Children in foreign countries pleading for help.
6. An Abortion commercial is on the tv. (Can people just shut the fuck up on this issue already, god damn. It's the parents choice if the parasite lives.)
7. Your house being broken into. (To be honest most of the shit in your house isn't worth taking except for The Alphabet Of Manliness. If they take that then prepare to murder them and they're family.)
8. If you go to Church, whatever is happening in the Church.
9. Being intoxicated and taking a joy ride. (We all know that the best drivers can drive while intoxicated, give it a try!)
10. Your wife/girlfriend is having your kid. (Maybe you should be giving a fuck in this situation as your wife/girlfriend just popped out the end of your life.)

 As you can see these are prime examples of situations you should and should not give a fuck about. If you truly want to live life to the optimal not giving a fuckness follow the instructions on situations listed above and apply them to other situations, the results can be exponential. Do I give a fuck about this article, yes and no. Yes as in the fact that I hope this will get a reaction out of you. Good or bad, I don't give a fuck. No, as in this took me 30 minutes to write and I won't be seeing this 5 years down the road. So apply my tactics to life and most importantly, DO NOT GIVE A FUCK.

*disclaimer- I don't encourage drunk driving, spousal abuse, or abuse of the opposite gender of any sort. What's written in this article is meant to be taken lightly and in satire. If this offends you I don't give a fuck.

"badboy"

I laugh alot when girls get hurt in a relationship by a "badboy" type of guy. Most of them will even call said guy a "badboy" type of guy. When you break down the word "badboy" into halfs you get "bad" and "boy". The word "bad" just should already tell you he's going to act terrible and have poor decision making skills. Then the other half "boy" would mean that they aren't a man, so if you tried to call him a man then that would be contradicting yourself.

The only thing I see when girls date that type of guy is a lot of crying, complaining, and getting used. Which they should know is going to happen when you date that type of guy. They basicaly asked for it when dating a "badboy". So shut the fuck up and quit your crying, you asked for it. It's selfish you want people to listen to you cry over something you basicaly asked for, so like I said before shut the fuck and quit your crying. (Note I emphasized the point that they're basicaly asking to get used and abused three times in the second paragraph.)

I'm waiting for the flood of people who are surely going to say something stupid along the lines of this "Nick, shut the fuck up. Your so sexist, really you are. Girls don't ask to get abused or used, we just simply don't. So do us all a favor and die you sexist pig, have a terrible day:D". I don't care if I sound sexist, obviously you've never heard of this thing called satire. Want sexist, i'll give you sexist. Bitch make me a sandwhich, while your at it clean the house. If you wanted sexist there it is. Yes you do ask to be abused/used when you date a "badboy", subconciously you're asking for it.

The NFL Now.

The NFL is being turned into a bunch of pussys. Serriously, quit making so many damn calls for hitting "Too rough" or "Too hard". I mean god damn, if you hit someone to hard it's a damn penalty. Put your hands on the quarterback damn penalty. A point of football is for it to be a sport of strength, strategy, hard hitting, and team work. Now it's "Lets make sure no one get's hurt because we can't have that happenining.".

I can't tell you how many bullshit calls i've seen this year for perfectly fair hits. This is making me want to quit watching the NFL. Players are going to get hurt, it's something that's going to happen. Making additional rules and calling the ones premade more is only going to hurt gameplay and lose fans. If players can't make hard hits then quit calling it football. Serriously, highschool football is more dangerous than what the NFL is turning into.